Sunday, 27 February 2011

Sun and hailstones

The day has started well as there has been some sunshine – surely a precursor of spring.  The “experts” have said that spring will be earlier this year so I hope they are right.  As I look at the bulbs emerging and the first daffodils, I am willing the others to come out.  Yellow flowers give such joy after the drear of winter.

I had a better night without the cramps of the previous day.  However, I have noticed that some areas of my skin have started to flake and I am desperately hoping that I do not have a return of the Graft Versus Host Disease which made life so difficult before.  I can tolerate all sorts of discomfort but that was so debilitating physically and mentally.

I think I spoke too soon about the weather; later on there was a real hailstorm and patches of hailstones on the grass and drive.  All in all it has been a mixed day.  Jonathan went back to London but engineering works would have made his journey quite tortuous so Ray drove him to Fareham to catch the train from there.  It was so good to see him.

I suppose when people question me about how I am and the prognosis, I am forced to be realistic but I can’t always put it into words for other people.  The lymphoma is so fast growing that I rely on the weekly chemo to keep it at bay and possibly reduce it slightly.  However, there comes a time when a particular chemo no longer works and other drugs have to be tried.  It is all going to depend on there being another drug to try, it being effective and it not sending me back into intensive care.  I try to keep calm but I can’t be complacent and I know how difficult it is for Raymond.  He is churning inside but tries to keep calm in order to support me.  As he says, he is using work, the case and various other projects as a distraction and I can totally understand.

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