Normally I am fairly upbeat about my visits to the Marsden. I have to go through all my drugs the day before and decide which prescriptions I shall need. As we have to leave at about 9.00 – 9.30 a.m. it is always an early rise for me as I take some time to bathe and deal with my skin (much improved I might add). It has been good to compare notes with other transplant patients and glean information. The staff too have been cheery and pleased with my progress.
However, since realising that the lymphoma has returned, these visits are going to be more difficult and they will probably become more infrequent as my care has been transferred back to my Southampton oncologist. So I must psyche myself up for the visit to the Marsden tomorrow. Nothing has changed in that the hospital and staff are still excellent, it is just that the gamble hasn’t paid off.
It is a good job we can’t successfully foretell the future. Life would be impossible and perhaps we would not take risks unless they were cast iron certainties. However, although the transplant hasn’t cured me, I am glad I went through with it. I learned a lot about myself, my family and friends. In the last few days I have had emails, two lovely cards and an encouraging message on my blog. I am grateful for the support which is a real lift, much more than I can possibly explain. It is like the outside world piercing through showing us we are not alone.
Raymond recently had some painful dental treatment but was quick to add that it was nothing like the pain I have gone through. I said that it was not a contest and that gradually I have learnt to cope with all sorts of pain and discomfort which I couldn’t have coped with before. It also makes me realise that just because I have lymphoma, I don’t have the monopoly on pain and discomfort and that is salutary.
I am just off to bring my mother over for the afternoon. We will really enjoy her company as she has a great sense of humour.