Friday, 5 November 2010

Encouraging words

When your youngsters have flown the nest there is nothing nicer than when one of them returns. Today I happily prepared the room for Jonathan and I hope Josie will join him tomorrow. It is so good to have good things to focus on and anticipate.

When I was younger and the post was more reliable I used to write quite long letters to keep in touch with people. The phone is instant and allows us to hear the other person’s voice but the conversation is ephemeral whereas the written word can be read and re-read. Although, as I wrote yesterday, emails can be brief and businesslike, many are longer and resemble the letters we used to write, with the added advantage that they are instant. And yet there are still times when you want to see and feel the actual handwriting of someone you know/love. There is something very special nowadays about a handwritten letter.

Today I’ve had two encouraging emails, a card and a telephone call from friends and relatives. On an otherwise very dull November day, they are clear chinks of light.

My oncologist has arranged a CT scan at the Nuffield Hospital on Monday afternoon. He will compare this with the one I had about four weeks ago before my throat biopsy operation. He cannot confirm yet whether I shall be starting chemotherapy or radiotherapy as he is awaiting the results of the needle biopsy of my groin. However, I do feel action is being taken on my behalf and the support network is palpable.

I did some food shopping this morning but by one o’clock I was extremely tired. With Jonathan coming I had in the morning planned to do some cooking later on in the day. However, my brain still thinks my body can manage what it always used to. It is not like growing old which is gradual and I am finding it difficult to adjust to my new frailty.

However, I must not talk myself into feeling more unfit than I really am. Bob, a fellow transplant patient, said he no longer remembered what it was like to be normal and I am the same. Our thresholds of what we can tolerate change. So although I am tired I am comparatively well and this is important at the beginning of a new regime of treatment.

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