Friday, 12 November 2010

Grey rainclouds

We didn’t have any major plans for today but there were a number of niggling little errands and tasks to carry out. The Jeep is so heavy on petrol that we have to plan our journeys carefully. Being able to go out together made it much more interesting, especially as the weather has gone on being miserable. Although we have had some high winds over the past few days in the south, we have suffered much less than other parts of the country and nothing major has happened to the trees in our garden.

We are both finding it difficult to handle our emotions at the moment especially as having been told the mantle cell lymphoma has returned, nothing is actually happening in terms of treatment. Although we try to be cheerful we are both somewhat down. We shall go to the Royal Marsden as planned on Monday. However, I am now waiting for the Radiotherapy Department to contact me. This is probably an NHS referral and could take weeks. I do need to have some idea when I shall see the doctor in charge, the type of radiotherapy to be given, the date when it will start and the duration.

There is nothing we can really do to speed things up which makes us feel rather ineffectual. We are neither of us sleeping very well and as I don’t nap during the day I tire easily. I think this will worsen once treatment starts.

It is difficult to know what to say when people ask me how I am. I am not life-threatened at the moment but I know any treatment I am given will at best reduce the swellings. I have become used to feeling as I do, so I no longer consider myself as unwell as I might have done at the start of my encounter with lymphoma.

I hope tomorrow will be brighter and sunnier. I am sure that the shorter days with their dark evenings and the grey rainclouds are depressing all of us. What we need is a bright sunny day to rid us of our self-pity and energise us.

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