Sunday, 21 February 2010

I want this to go ahead now

Yesterday and today have been rather overwhelming. There were mountains of clothes, wraps etc in two rooms some of which I shall take tomorrow and much I will leave here. Everything has to be scrupulously clean but, of course, until I get there I shall not know whether I shall need nightwear or modified daywear. I felt it better to have somewhere where Ray could look through when I ring up and ask for a particular item. As I shall lose my hair it was necessary to unearth all the caps and scarves I used before when I had chemotherapy.

Of course, at 10.30 a.m. tomorrow I could be told that there is no room available and so the agony will be prolonged. At least I have been to see my mother today to let her know that I should be going into the Marsden very soon. I was glad Anna was with me as that helped to keep the atmosphere a little lighter.

In addition, Ray is running a course this coming weekend so there were some preparations to make to ensure everything runs smoothly. I am sure that it will help take his mind off things. He needs the distractions at the moment so the fact that there is work to do on the boat is not such a bad thing as he can set his mind to that as well. I am hoping that if he goes to France for that purpose, he will go while I am in hospital because I shall be as safe there as it is possible to be in the circumstances.

My mind is like a butterfly at the moment. I keep of thinking of things I should have done and phone calls I could have made but in the end there is a limit and I have reached it. I am tired; I want this to go ahead now whatever the dangers and I hope there will be no more delays. I am so grateful for all the support I have received and all we can do now – and the best thing to do – is pray.

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