Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Life goes on

I feel a little better now the biopsy is done. My journey up to London was comparatively easy and it was good to spend an evening with Jonathan. He booked a taxi to take me to the Cromwell Hospital in the morning and it was outside waiting for me when I ventured forth at 5.50 a.m. I don't think I left much after Josie got home; she was working late running an event.

The Cromwell is a BUPA hospital, streamlined and well run. My MRSA results hadn’t come through from the Marsden so another swab was taken which delayed my going to theatre at 8.00 a.m. I was visited in my room by Mr Clarke, the surgeon, and the anaesthetist who did the appropriate checks. I actually walked down at 10.00 a.m. and was prepared for theatre. I think I went in at about 10.30 a.m. and the next thing I knew I was coming round. I had warned them that I have consistently low blood pressure so they didn’t spend ages trying to get me up to a higher pressure than normal after the operation.

Strangely enough although I went up to London armed with lots of paper handkerchiefs and a nose dripping like a tap, my catarrh seemed to have dried up after the operation. I had a sore throat and top lip but it didn’t take too long to get over the anaesthetic. I ordered a taxi for the early evening to avoid the rush hour and by the time I arrived at the flat Josie was already there and Jonathan arrived a minute after I did. I can’t explain how good it was to be surrounded by their care and warmth.

I was relieved to have got over my nervousness and actually I felt a certain equanimity. I have no control over the findings of the biopsy and probably little control over any treatment that may be offered if the results are not good, but I can try to ensure that any future procedures minimise pain and bodily disfigurement so that I can maintain a certain normality. I was talking to Anna today and I think she is very worried, worse because she is so far away and I can’t really comfort her. I am just resuming this narrative after a phone call from her where she has found an article about a woman with a similar throat mass which was treated with CHOP-R. As I have had a transplant I can actually repeat some of the chemo I have had before.

However, this is pre-empting the result; it could be benign but I have thought through all the different scenarios and I feel calmer about waiting than I did before. I cannot let my emotions rule me or affect those around me adversely. Life goes on.

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