In an hour I shall be off to London and I have a very sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach. I am nervous about the biopsy tomorrow, not about the procedure itself but the result and the significance of that result for my future and that of the family.
I was going to have my mother over for the afternoon yesterday but St Elizabeth’s said that there were a lot of coughs and colds about and they didn’t think it wise for her to visit because of my circumstances. I missed seeing her but on the other hand I can’t tell her about the biopsy as she would only worry and I can’t look into her face and say all is going well because I just don’t know.
It was good to talk to Jonathan yesterday afternoon and to know that everything is ready for my arrival and they have thought of how to make me comfortable. I know many people who have opted to go to the Royal Marsden for treatment who have to stay in hotels. It is not just the cost but the impersonal nature of hotels which is not what you need when you are undergoing therapy for cancer/lymphoma.
I have always had Raymond with me for every procedure in the past and I am going to miss his reassuring presence although I have been touched by the good wishes of so many people which helps to give me courage. Bob who had a transplant at the same time as I did is also experiencing difficulty. His wife has been a source of help to Ray and me and I think we all have to assist each other through this difficult and sometimes dangerous journey.