Strength for the days to come

I am very tired and it’s only 2.00 p.m.  I did quite a bit of cooking this morning making a trifle, the filling for a game pie which was a casserole cooked in wine, and baked the pastry bottom of the pie ready for tomorrow.  Whenever Jonathan comes down he always offers to do the cooking but as it is such a short visit this time, I don’t want us to spend all the time in the kitchen on Sunday so I have cut down the cooking time for tomorrow but I just don’t have the stamina. 

I know I’m very anaemic which accounts for a lot of the tiredness.  I am having my blood taken at the General on Monday, but no matter what the results are I have to go ahead with the chemo on Thursday because the swellings are so awful.  I am just hoping it will be effective.  I shall write a little more tomorrow.

••••••••

I am writing this early on Sunday evening and we have had a really lovely day with Jonathan and Josie.  They arrived yesterday evening and left in the mid afternoon but we were able to talk, sit by the fire and have a good lunch.  I made a game pie which I have never made before.  I looked up the recipes but couldn’t find any single one which I really liked so I made up my own.

Today was very relaxing and cosy but the time quickly went.  On one hand I don’t want to monopolise Jonathan’s time at weekends but on the other it was better that he should know how ill I am so we can make the most of the time we do have together, without any regrets.  Raymond laughs because Jonathan always analyses the ingredients of meals but it is just like most members of my maternal family for whom cooking was an important skill.  I doubt if I am going to be able to cook much like today in the future as I get very tired. 

It is difficult letting go, whether it is something like cooking or the teaching I have done for years.  Obviously I have built up so many different materials for teaching adults, secondary school pupils and individual learners.  It is no use keeping things which I will no longer use and like quite a number of my clothes, they will have to go to a good home.  However, it is not all about giving up or letting go; it is about making changes to our lifestyle.  Certainly I have done more writing in the last two years than ever before.

The coming week is full of medical appointments culminating in the start of the weekly chemotherapy.  It was good to have a weekend together, enjoy each other’s company and build up our strength for the days ahead.