Three months to go

Just about three months to go. Am I being reckless in saying that? There are so many imponderables – I may not get into full remission soon enough, my health may not be good enough and will my possible donor still be available? The last question hangs over me like a cloud.

Nevertheless, things have worked out so far, not necessarily right on schedule, but they have worked out and I must have faith that this is what is going to happen. This means I must make plans, not only for myself, but the family.

My mother is 96 and I don’t think we ever imagined that she might outlive me, but this could be the case. I have had serious problems and delays in trying to transfer my running of her bank account to my daughter but this must be done. Similarly, I must look at my mother’s will and redo mine so that they are up to date. This sounds very morbid but if we can organize things so that she and the family are going to be properly looked after, there is less for me to worry about.

I have had an on-going battle with the Inland Revenue. I am supposed to fill in a tax return by the end of the month, but despite my phone calls and letters they will not/cannot send me the correct form. I can’t imagine they will be very sympathetic if I say that I have not filled it in because I am not well or in isolation.

All that aside, surrounding me are really great people who have carried me through this difficult time. Whatever my views about somewhat mixed medical treatment in the past, I cannot fault the way I have been treated this year. I feel more involved in the decision-making for the first time which, for someone like me, is crucial.

A few days ago the Bramley apples were harvested from the garden before they are brought down by the autumn winds. The tree is very heavy anyway as its boughs have not been pruned for about three years – we’ve had other things on our minds. Somehow over the next few days the crop will be peeled, cored and blanched. Apple pies will be made and frozen. The normal activities of preparing for winter will have been accomplished – a winter perhaps like no other.