Sunday, 8 November 2009


So difficult to keep thoughts and feelings in check. A letter arrived from the hospital outlining my appointments to have lung, kidney and heart functions checked. Made me realise I’d better do some singing practice to improve my breath control which is pitiful at the moment. One one hand this is all progress but on the other it reminds me that none of this will happen unless I am in remission and only Wednesday will give me that news. In addition, unless I can get rid of the nasal infection and chronic rhinitis, all this will be in vain.

It is such a strange time to be thinking about impending isolation because, of course, life is going on for everyone around me too with important events in their lives. Anna’s friend, Stu, is having a very difficult operation on Tuesday. My heart goes out to him because he has had to suffer a lot in his young life and now this elective surgery could improve his life but always it takes courage to face an operation because you do it on your own. I am thinking about him and hoping so much that all goes well.

In the wider world despite all the Christmas decorations and displays in the shops, so many people at the moment are facing real problems with unemployment and house repossessions, yet still we have bankers getting bonuses and M.P.s complaining about changes to their privileged lives.

At Christmas time, which is now approaching, we think of peace yet sadly the coffins of soldiers are being flown back from Afghanistan. Just as the best of a generation was lost in World War I, we seem to be losing so many really wonderful young men. I wonder how many wars there would be if the people who declared them actually had to go to war themselves.

So in my safe, comfortable world I must prepare for the journey ahead. It’s not as if I haven’t faced difficulties before, but I must try my best to make things as easy for my family as possible. As I read about other cancer and lymphoma patients also facing difficult treatment and scan results, I know I am not alone and we must all support each other.

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