Monday, 15 June 2009


Over the weekend it has been hot and sticky.  Most mornings fox cubs come and play on the lawns in our back garden.  Usually at the first real flash of sunlight over the trees they disappear but their companionship and love of life is a source of real joy.


At the moment I am having a chemo drug called bendaMUSTine developed by the East Germans in the 1960s.  This drug has a strange history and may actually be related to the mustard gas used by the Germans in World War I.  Can’t I just have a nice drug made from organic plants!

It might then seem more comforting to look back to my past for certainties.  Perhaps if I knew more about myself, my background and how I came to have this illness I might be better equipped to face the future.  Some facts which I discovered earlier this year have actually meant that the past is beginning to unravel and is not providing the comfort I thought it might.  I’m now engaged in a detective story of my own to find some answers and last week I had a DNA sample taken.  Until I find out more about my background, I’m going to have to start with why I think I have this illness and what I can do to make it go away.


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