Monday morning

It was nice on Saturday after our jobs to go to Wickham, one of our favourite local villages, where we had a sandwich lunch with chips in a pub on the Square.  The sandwiches were really full and Jonathan benefited from my last one.  We then called in to see an old friend but by this time I was nearly out of my mind with tiredness.  Ray was just about to nod off to sleep leaving Jonathan and me to carry the conversation, when I gave him a slight kick.  Jonathan noticed how tired I was and insisted we came home.  It didn’t take me long to recover so I lay on the sofa and we watched some DVDs.

This morning the nurse came to do my dressing; it is a slow process healing but apparently it has not been made worse by the chemotherapy as sometimes happens.  I am very tired today and finding it difficult to climb the stairs.  After that we did a letter to the solicitor about Ray’s case; I don’t think I can really do much more on that now.  Then my GP came to talk about the situation.  We needed to know who we ring out of hours if I am taken ill and she has promised to contact the out of hours service with an up-date on me and a notice that I am a priority case which gives us some reassurance.

We then had to decide about resuscitation.  I am quite prepared to go into hospital to have procedures such as blood transfusions or platelets but not intensive care so I have to fill in a form about my wishes.  Apparently we have to keep a copy in the fridge if an ambulance is called and no family members are here who know what my wishes are.

It is all rather serious and over the past few weeks it has meant issues such as this, together with all the practical arrangements have had to be discussed.  Frankly I now have had enough of this and want to put this behind me.  If you are not careful there is no end to the practical arrangements which can be made and whilst they are distracting, at some point distraction is wrong in that we should really be looking at what this period of time really means.

I am getting too tired for lots of visitors.  The visitors I am having this week I have known for many years and it will be good to see them and they won’t wear me out.  I find even catering for a weekend is tiring.  I don’t want family coming and then having to spend a lot of time in the kitchen so I do some cooking in advance but it is not as easy as it used to be.  Neither do I want a lot of cooking done for me after which the kitchen looks as if it has been blitzed.  I just want the house to run itself in an orderly way so I can have a more quiet, restful time.