Not feeling good

I’m not feeling so good today. After quite a significant improvement, a setback is a bit of a blow.

I learnt on the internet that a number of donor conceived adults were meeting this weekend in London. I would have liked to have attended but at the moment it is impossible. I would so much have liked to meet other people like myself and to learn how they have reacted to the situation.

I read recently about another such meeting where out of the 19 people present, 17 had experienced the divorce of the parents. I am not surprised. Regardless of whether the whole thing is kept secret from the child or society at large, there is a real imbalance in the family. I wonder often how my parents would have coped had my father lived longer. I don’t doubt the strength of their marriage but I do doubt whether the fiction would have been maintained into adulthood that my father was genetically related to me.

Since I have an older brother who was adopted at the age of six just after I was born, the family situation was fraught with problems to say the least. I haven’t had much to do with him over the last few years but I must say that I feel much more sympathy with his situation now. I have no idea how much he was told about his own situation. My parents were very keen to have a ready-made family but I don’t think they thought it through from our point of view.

I’m only glad I didn’t have that problem myself.

Getting everything ready

Ray’s course is back on track. We have found a potential groom and another model so the weekend should go ahead well. One course participant is still in Egypt and will have to transfer to May but otherwise everyone else’s travel arrangements seem to be OK.

Today is usually spent in getting everything ready, the studio and checking all the arrangements are in place, so no trip out today unfortunately. I had hoped to go to the bookbinder’s as I have completed Volume II of the Davenport Family Recipes. I have found it something I could do when I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I made the first book for the family members three years ago and they seemed to like it and urged me to do another one, so I have done this in the last three weeks since coming out of hospital.

So the situation is I can write (a little) but not read. Such is concentration. When I wake in the night it is a blow not being able to read to send myself off to sleep but perhaps it will come eventually. I didn’t think I’d lose all the fluid around my face, waist and ankles but that has melted away, thank goodness.

I keep thinking about my bone marrow donor. I must write another letter as she cannot possibly know how grateful I am to her. It will be two years before we can lift anonymity and I hope that one day I shall meet her and thank her in person. In the meantime, I must concentrate on getting better.

Impatience

Yesterday I went to the hospital. I have joined the Monday post transplant clinic run by Dr. Mike Potter, the head honcho for transplants at the Marsden. It was very busy but I saw my usual doctor who seemed pleased with my progress to date. Just as we were leaving I heard my name being called and it was Dr Mike Potter. He seemed delighted with the way things were going. I was amazed that a) he remembered my name, b) he recognized me from the back, c) he knew all about my recent medical tests and d) he was so thrilled and wanted to talk to me.

It now makes it all the poorer that I constantly moan about not sleeping and being very tired. I feel like a fraud. I know that I am doing better than expected bearing in mind it was an unrelated donor where there is more risk and more complications. However, I am impatient and can see no reason why my progress cannot be quicker. I want to look well, I want my hair to grow and I want to have some energy. There, I’ve said it!

Having refurbished the AMG, Ray is now turning his attention to the house and garden. We have ordered our chairs but they will take about five weeks as they are hand dyed. To celebrate we bought a new rug and a couple of new wall lights. We managed to get some really good light bulbs so we can see what we are reading. So many of the energy saving ones are so dim.

Raymond has a course this weekend and so far everything is in hand but one of the participants is flying in so perhaps he won’t make it. We have another snag, no groom for Saturday. If anyone knows of a young man with a suit who will be photographed on Saturday afternoon ……….

Refurbishment

I’m still incredibly tired as if my shoes were filled with lead. However, life goes on. I managed to find a replacement cross for my mother. I’m not sure if she knows when or how it disappeared in hospital but it was a present for her ninetieth birthday so I’m sure she is missing it. And it is exactly the same as the original.

The roadworks which have been plaguing us for weeks have now moved further down the road. Not only is it quiet but we don’t have to negotiate a lorry every time we want to get out of our gateway. For two weeks our bins weren’t collected because of the machinery so we had to organize a special collection.

With no planes in the skies, everywhere is that much quieter than usual, although my heart goes out to people who were planning special trips and either can’t go or are having difficulties getting back home.

As I haven’t seen my mother for some weeks, I am trying to organize a visit for Sunday. I have to ensure first of all that she is well enough and secondly that there is no infection at St Elizabeth’s which would be dangerous for me. We plan to have a tea and then ensure she has the safe return of all her jewellery.

This afternoon Raymond is planning a trip – nothing that involves extensive walking for me but a visit to buy some much-needed new chairs. Our old leather Georgian chairs are really showing signs of wear. We plan to get them refurbished for other parts of the house as we are not great at throwing things away. Reminds me of myself, refurbished with a new DNA. I just wish I knew where the old one came from.

Low in energy

Today meant a journey to the Royal Marsden. We can do the trip quite quickly now but there is usually a wait for the pharmacy and today as I had been so tired there was even a scare I might need a blood transfusion but all was well. The doctor seems very pleased that the remaining tests on the bone marrow have come through and show a clear sign that the donor cells are present in blood and bone marrow with no shadow (chimera) of my old cells.

Apparently now I can stop going to the Thursday clinic and now join the Monday more general clinic. This promises to be even busier so I’m hoping there won’t be too much waiting around. This starts this Monday. I also enquired about the tablets I am on. It looks as if the anti-rejection ones will continue for another three weeks then gradually I shall be weaned off these. Most of the others will remain until six months after the transplant.

I should be feeling quite pleased at the results but I felt incredibly weak and tired today. I just woke up like that, completely lacking in energy. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Good experience

Avid readers of the Welwyn Hatfield Times will have been following a murder story with keen interest. They will already know that forensic archaeologists have been searching a garden for a body and that someone has been charged with murder. Perhaps they will have seen a small slight figure wielding a mattock on the first day. On the second when the senior forensic archaeologist left for a conference in America, they will have seen the younger forensic archaeologist in charge with two burly policemen now helping with the digging. They will have seen pictures of the forensic archaeologists in their fetching white suits and wellingtons.

Those of you who have not had the luck to read this august publication will be wondering who the younger forensic archaeologist was. Those of you who picked up the hint the other day will know it was Anna. She hasn’t been on a crime scene for some months so this was good experience. Whilst we cannot begin to understand how she can cope with all this, she takes it in her stride and, of course, it all adds verisimilitude to her teaching.

As I look around me at my books and files, I cannot help wondering about my own teaching. It seems such a slow, tortuous route back to health, should I just get rid of all my text books on the basis that I will never teach again? Of course, I never planned to return to a school, but I might teach privately. It is such a final step to take and I’m not sure I can write it all off yet.

We are constantly amazed at our offspring, what they have achieved and are likely to achieve. It is difficult to look into the future and whatever it holds; it is better to keep an open mind.

Starting exercise

The internet is playing up. We had a new router which was supposed to boost the signal and occasionally it works. So you have to keep going to the computer just to catch the odd five minutes when all is well. It looks like Ray will have to go back to BT and see if he can get a better deal than with TalkTalk.

I’m exhausted, but in a good way. I’ve walked, climbed a stile and seen parts of the River Itchen I haven’t seen for years. Raymond joined a fishing association for servicemen and it entitles him to fish on some of the most beautiful parts of the river. I’ve taken a few photographs today but we only saw a couple of beats this afternoon. Hopefully we shall visit some more during the coming days.

I think it will take me about a year to build up my immunity and at the moment I have a very congested nose which is really bothering me. I have to report every rash, spot, ache and runny nose or cough on Thursday so they can nip it all in the bud before it develops into something more sinister so it makes one very introspective.

I am convinced that just as the walking built up my strength before the transplant, so some exercise will be good now. I just feel like I’ve gone backwards so far in my fitness because of the time in hospital. It’s going to take weeks, if not months to build up some strength again.

I’m going to take advantage of the internet working momentarily in order to post this before it dies on me.